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October 20, 2005

...um a link?...

I believe with ever fiber of my being in the power of doing what you love. No matter what. Whatever that thing is – it could be art or music or law or your own business. If you love it, if you believe in it, the world will respond. I think the catch though is that is has to start from love – when that happens anything can happen. The world begins to conspire to help you. Gives you art shows where you have been dreaming to have a show. Gets you music gigs at your favorite club. Brings amazing people into your life. The trick is that you have to be there, realizing your moments. Little moments. Possibilities nonetheless.
I am not sure where this belief comes from. No, why do I always lie to you all - I am sure where it comes from.
My parents divorced when I was too young (a little over on year) to know any different and the households could not be any more different. For many reasons, but I think at the core of it all my dad was doing something he loved and my mother wasn’t. He wasn’t always sure about his path. He would deliberate on moves and job changes, but he stayed true to his personal vision. He became a college professor (some of my earliest memories where helping him set up the labs for his class on the weekends), but he did other things in his summers off. Related to his field of agriculture, but in those summers he made relationships that have continued over the years. Working with people that also love what they do. And it has paid off. He saw his path and he was smart enough to see that he may have to take the detours, but what he loved stayed the same. He at his core loves people, working with them and solving problems. And so being a teacher and then a dean – his life is successful. He has an amazing wife and two fabulous sons, who I am honored to call my brothers. No matter what the world threw his way, he liked his job, loved it in fact.
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum was living with my mother. I am not sure whom or what squashed her dream. I don’t even know what that dream was, but you could see life eat away at her. She worked to make money, worked to provide for me, but then I became the dream. My desires and goals and it was twisted let me tell you. She twisted our identities together in so many knots that is has taken me years to unravel it, unravel from this other person. And that is So not healthy. I watched her try and live through me, live through what I accomplished and it scared me. Somehow I knew it wasn’t healthy, wasn’t good, but that for the saving grace that I had this whole other family to see, I am not sure what path I could have taken. As soon as I could I moved away, because somewhere deep inside I knew I had to find my core, had to find my voice and slowly, now it is coming forward. It has taken about ten years, a handful of therapists and one amazing husband to know that I was allowed to be me.

I think this is going to be my longest entry ever. Especially since I just wanted to give you a link. Rustboy looks amazing and Brian Taylor stared it as a creative outlet. Cut to two years later when this little side project looks like it is going to become a film. (I found the link via android8 via mike at hanttula)

Posted by wendy at October 20, 2005 09:52 AM

Comments

Posted by: maria at October 20, 2005 01:20 PM

Posted by: lisa s at October 20, 2005 01:41 PM

Posted by: Alisha at October 20, 2005 10:05 PM

Posted by: johanna at October 21, 2005 08:29 AM

Posted by: Martha at October 21, 2005 07:56 PM